The High Stakes Risk of Following Your Heart
As I lie awake in the early dark hours of the morning, I wonder what percentage (statistically) of the human race will ever actually have the opportunity to risk it all for the sake of following their heart.
Today is the 27th day I have been unemployed and living by, what I call, the grace of God. I am hoping the worst days are behind me – the mental self-torture of running the events over and over in my mind that led to the demise of a certain lifestyle (my career) in favor of what many would consider to be a high stakes risk: The fear of losing my house, which would mean a loss of independence or an undesirable location of living, the fear of losing the man I love, and the fear of not being able to run my candle business – all valid concerns that have had me on anti-anxiety meds for the first 20 days of this sabbatical.
Yet, I lay here and feel the peace of knowing, in this moment, I am exactly where I am supposed to be and doing what I am supposed to be doing. The sweet little snores of an aging Shi-Tzu lying next to me remind me of how fragile and temporal are those in our lives who we choose to love.
I’m beginning to wonder if by risking it all and giving up “life as we know it” is the only way to ever experience “the peace of God which surpasses all understanding”. The inner knowing that no matter what comes to pass, all will be alright because, unlike many men, God keeps His promises.
The first 2 weeks of being unemployed I was down with a virus so I barely recall feeling anything other than miserably sick every waking moment. I would tell myself at least 100 times a day that I have faith in the goodness and promises of God, but the panic in my stomach did not seem to be listening, hence the anti-anxiety medication.
However, eventually, the tumultuous waves crashing against me have tended towards a softer ebb and flow: the morning prayers pour forth more easily, meditation no longer seems masochistic, and I am learning to connect with the inner desires of my spirit – to honor the thoughts and ideas that spring forth from The Spirit Within.
I think I’m in for quite a ride on this journey to self-realization but I know I am not alone. My guardian angel comforts me and I AM that I AM within me quietly whispers to me to follow my intuition and heart, even though there is no promise of my mortgage or bills being paid.
At this point (which is now 2 months after having begun writing this post), I am not in a place where I can recommend risking it all for the sake of your heart’s desire, but my hope and faith in the goodness of God are strong and I intend success for I know that each and every one of us came into this world to do something more than just pay the bills.
Until the next magickal moment, may peace, love and light burn brightly within your hearts – (and may we all at least try to listen to our hearts).